Haiku Post - Painful pedestrians

How many times have you had to slam on the brakes just because someone crossed the road like an idiot, in the middle of heavy-traffic...more often then not  - it's a lady -  too embarassed to run in public, but thick-skinned enough to want to cross whereever.

And the worst bit is that unlike men who will scowl or even shout back if you curse them, women will break into a smile(!!!) when they hear the squeal of brakes and still continue to walk, without even lifting their eyes to see how close they actually came to being hit.

This haiku is dedicated to these multitudes of 2 legged speed-bumps:

"Woman giving embarassed smile,
If i didn't brake for you,
you would smile less."

Technorati Tags: haiku, humour, india, traffic, accident

from :mrMark:

Postcard To Shri Mutalik

A little something i came up with as a mark of solidarity with the Pink Chaddi campaign (visit)

Why?
Since men can't contribute pink panties.... at least, not me anyway...

...and since there are no pink Frenchies being manufactured...

...and since any undergarment contributed by me would require, previous clearance from BARC before being mailed...

...and since i do not believe in Ted Kaczynski's methods, lol...

...and since i do believe that my "Primum non nocere" oath means something, no matter how bad the Bajrangi's get...

Ergo;

To do my bit, and chip in my share to this andholan, i thought i'd create my personal token of resistance.

With a little postcard - "To Sir, with love" :-)

Haiku Post - Paan chewing boy

Cud-chewing, though biologically an exclusive preserve of ruminants (=moo!), has been electively adopted by man who engages in the practice with great enthusiasm. This "biologic-mimicry" is particularly prevalent in avver-India - and it's very apparent too - one only needs to look at the nearest corner in the urban-milieu to see indelible proof of its popularity. Our environs are tainted by the expectorations of the orally-fixated urban painters of India.

This haiku is dedicated to these saliva-spouting gents:

"Paan-chewing lout,
know there is a God above,
he gifts you OSMF"

(OSMF or Oral Sub-mucous Fibrosis is a slowly-progressing disease that results in the hardening of the tissues of the mouth, eventually progressing to a stage where mouth-opening is so severely restricted that even eating solid-food is an accomplishment. It usually affects paan-chewers and users of areca-nut products, and is a forerunner of cancer. The irony here being that the very substance being chewed/spewed ultimately locks the jaws shut)

image from Manjeet Bawa, Sanjay
Technorati Tags: haiku, humour, india

Haiku Post - No manners rich-kid

You've seen him before - the wining, dining, club-hopping, pub-hopping brat. The rich-kid who's got everything - and then some. You're almost envious of the easy swagger and the brash arrogance - you almost think everything that the kid does is pure class. And just then...the crass shines beautifully through.

This haiku is dedicated to the etiquette-impaired kid:

"Flashy, rich casanova,
your cars and babes are awesome,
Burp silently, you bastard."

Technorati Tags: haiku, humour, india

Casefile: Badass Dentist

Here's a real qualifier for the Dental Infamy-files:

Dentist 'attacks patient, steals her teeth'

"....According to police, the dentist knocked on the woman's door before forcing her into her living room where she was tied up.

He then allegedly forced her mouth open and extracted the $700 dental work her insurance company had refused to pay for..."

Who's fault was it? - Looking at the big picture, i'm gonna say it was not the dentist (no surprise). It was the insurance company. Who knows better about the best choices for a patient? - a dentist or a claims-approver.

India, thankfully still hasn't acquired the HMO/Dental Insurance-culture of countries like the US, UK and Australia - but it's coming. It's already here with Medicine, and look at the practice-models that have sprung up as a result.
(There's really a lot of things we shouldn't be copying from the West - and one biggie is their Healthcare-system - it has a lot wrong with it. We're not too far along the road, and it's best we course-correct now before we end up in the mess that follow these systems. We need to be lowering financial thresholds to quality-healthcare, and not excluding patients by raising them, especially in a country with so many poor-as-well-as-unhealthy people.)

Yeniway, Wow! Talk about talent! He got the bridge off in the middle of a living-room! Skillz!!!

"Open ze mouth! OPEN ZE MOUTTH! Sie haben gefickt mit dem falschen Zahnarzt!"

Hebegeebees!

3 recent news-reports have given me the hebegeebees! I don't know why, but they came along the news in a particularly evil chronology. Each event was bad enough in itself - but the sequence in which they got reported somehow, unfortunately, registered to my mind (damn it) and now it's stuck there - giving me hell.

Article One - Turns out, don't ask how, that i'm connected to this Indian-guy by just 2 degrees of separation! (Whats that?)
Article Two - Damn, it happened to a Dentist!!! By a Dentist!!! and with a Bard Parker blade! Thats sharrrrp!

Then came along article 3, which reinforced everything wrong with the first two articles!

Article Three - Indian! and Ouch!

(Not to mention the fact that for the past 2 days, my part of town has seen one act of burglary+arson, one act of suicide, and one act of murder...it seems like everytime i open the paper my eyes automatically get drawn to "Hennur"/"Kammanahalli" and there's something horrible about the article.)

BTW, here's a Bard Parker blade for you - enjoy!... if you're a guy - shudder now!

Technorati Tags: news, crime, bobbitized, horror

Bison Attack!

I was the victim of The Bison last Friday.... even though i'd got through her turf without incident, i still got gored. It was pretty ugly... she thought i was questioning her judgement. She pretty much let me have it in front of everyone.

A very humbling experience... the logical half of my brain says it's okay, forget it, at least now you'll be careful in the wilderness. The other side however, would like nothing better than to take aim and shoot a rusty nail in one ear and out the other.



The sad part is, i had to go apologise later. The boss is always the frikking boss.



Why run a risk?... Throw the dog a bone.......Or in this case, the Bison.

Insert Holy Foot in Blessed Mouth!

REALLY REALLY REALLY FAST REPORTING!!



Regensburg, Germany- International superstar Pope Benedict the 16th, has gone AWOL!
To a sleepy university audience, he purred; and i quote: "Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman."

Interestingly , this was a quote itself.... from a 14th century Byzantine dude, Manuel II Paleologos- who apparently rapped 'most excellently' - on holy war.
(Clearly aware of the topic's sensitivity, he mumbled, "I quote," twice before pronouncing the phrases on Islam, as if to only use someELSE's words. DID NOT WORK!)

Traditionally, Popes rarely speak out on events not related to the country being visited. TRADITIONALLY...Popes dont speak out much at all!!! Bit like Baywatch extras, these Popes.

Even during his current visit to his home-country, Germany, the Pope prayed privately for the 9/11 victims inspite of all the headlines surrounding its 5th anniversary. The Pontiff stuck to his itinerary and prepared texts, staying mum on Islamic terrorism....and then went and made some decidedly non-politically correct things about Muhammad.

Guess who clapped for the Pope's speech....the Al-Qaeda member sitting in the audience! Hehehe.

Oh yeah...trust the Paki's to arse-up things...Pakistan's foreign office spokesperson, Taslim Aslam says that the Pope proved his "ignorance" on Islam and that Muslims were "the founders of science in general". HELLO! UNCONNECTED TOPIC?!!



SPEAKING OF CONTROVERSY, here are some the infamous cartoons carried by the Danish mag Jyllands Posten Denmark...



















WHO HAS ARSED ABOUT ON SIMILAR THEMES???? BUSH!!!



...With his "Mandate of Heaven" for the Iraq-occupation!!!



...And his "God wanted me to be President" nonsense!!!








Oh, here's a joke which really cracked me up...

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. . . . You know what?"

"What dear?" she asked gently.

"I think you're bad luck. Get the fuck away from me."